I haven't posted in such a long time. Here is something that has been on my mind.

Before going inpatient I wrote a list of my reasons to recover. I would like to share that list with you now.

• Because hating myself is exhausting.
• For all the things I haven’t done.
• Because I would never wish this pain upon someone else.
• To be able to achieve my dreams.
• To go to a restaurant and order impulsively without studying the menu for days beforehand.
• To be free.
• To feel complete.
• Because I am stronger than my eating disorder.
• Because life is fuller when I am full.
• Because the fridge isn’t a battlefield and food is not the enemy.
• To be able to go to a party and not cry about what I ate there.
• Because birthday cake should be a celebration, not a mental breakdown.
• So I can love myself as much as others love me.

I have been out of treatment since January 2013, and while every day is an uphill battle and recovery is a lifelong process, I am indescribably happy to be where I am in this moment. I never thought I would be able to change the tapes that played in my mind for so many years, telling me I was never going to be good enough, that I was fat, ugly, and that no one would ever love me.

I was so wrong for so many years. I see the light, I am now on the greener grass I always dreamed of. I did this, but not without the help of my loving family, close friends, and Walden Behavioral Care.I wish this for you all: that you can wake up and know what it is like to be free of your eating disorder, or whatever has its grips on you. Life is so much richer when you let yourself out of the shadows and into the light. Here's to recovery and all of its splendor. L'chaim! If this moves you, please feel free to share it. I am proud of my journey.