After a long absence

I haven't written in a while and I'm sure you can guess why. I have completely relapsed, to the deepest depths of my eating disorder. Lower than I ever thought possible.

I am writing tonight because something amazing is about to happen to jolt me back into my safe world of recovery. A social worker at Walden believes that I qualify for inpatient care. For many, this is a point of major distress; but not for me. I don't know exactly what brought me to this scary point, but I know that I absolutely want out.

For the past two months, I have been in a Partial Hospitalization Program in Hartford, Connecticut. As all eating disorder programs, you only get what you put in. Not to say that I didn't learn some valuable lessons from the Institute. I took away from the program, a new understanding of nutrition and the value of food; but I did not learn how to stop myself from engaging in behaviors.

Upon my discharge, I took upon myself to seek a higher level of care. Once this hurricane lets up, I hope to be safe in Massachusetts, learning how to rid myself of this horrible illness.

I do not want to die. I do want to recover. I just need more support to get myself there.

Please don't lose hope. There is fight left in all of us. I know we can do this.