The dentist (devil)

On Monday morning I went to the dentist for the first time in over three years. Why had it been so long? That answer is easy: I was bulimic, ashamed, and in pain. The very idea of going to the dentist caused me so much anxiety during the years I was sick, many of which I was a minor and didn't have a choice about going. I have a wonderful dentist, don't get me wrong, but I wanted no one snooping around inside my torn up mouth.

About a year ago I made it into the office, into the private room with the hygienist and everything. As soon as she uttered the words, "It's been a long time since you've been here, so this will probably take awhile", I broke into hysterics. I cried, ran out of the office, and sat in my car, having a full-blown panic attack for almost an hour before I had the courage to drive home.

I was offended. I had told my dentist I was a Bulimic, I assumed it was in my chart and that her staff would read that chart and be sensitive when dealing with me. I'm not sure if it was in the chart and her staff had no sensitivity to my illness or what, but I was really hurt. I emailed my dentist and asked if she would do the cleaning, she wouldn't, a policy of her's or whatever. I reminded her I was bulimic and that I was nervous about going back and she assured me everything would be fine. Anyway, it took me until my wisdom teeth started coming in to make an appointment.

I wish I hadn't waited so long. I was in so much pain during that appointment. I had so much buildup and was told I have gingivitis. The appointment was an hour long, an hour of agonizing pain. The hygienist was pleasant but condescending and showed no mercy. Did she not know? She kept mentioning how long it had been since my last visit and how I could have done serious damage to my teeth, that I almost had.

It ruined my day. I was sad, irritable, and anxious for hours after.

The point of this post is not to make anyone feel bad for me, but to urge those currently suffering from Bulimia to brave it and go to the dentist, setting their fears aside. I know your mouth hurts, that your gums bleed, and that you are ashamed to tell anyone about your illness. Stop, stop right now. You will feel better in the long run if you go to the dentist and are open about your illness with he or she while you are still sick. I have been recovered for over a year and my decisions to avoid the dentist are still haunting me. Don't ruin your beautiful smile, schedule an appointment with your dentist today and take care of your teeth in hopes of a future where you won't have to go through what I went through or worse.

Take care of your body, you only have one. And as my Grammy always says, "Be true to your teeth, or they'll be false to you."