I haven't posted in such a long time. Here is something that has been on my mind.

Before going inpatient I wrote a list of my reasons to recover. I would like to share that list with you now.

• Because hating myself is exhausting.
• For all the things I haven’t done.
• Because I would never wish this pain upon someone else.
• To be able to achieve my dreams.
• To go to a restaurant and order impulsively without studying the menu for days beforehand.
• To be free.
• To feel complete.
• Because I am stronger than my eating disorder.
• Because life is fuller when I am full.
• Because the fridge isn’t a battlefield and food is not the enemy.
• To be able to go to a party and not cry about what I ate there.
• Because birthday cake should be a celebration, not a mental breakdown.
• So I can love myself as much as others love me.

I have been out of treatment since January 2013, and while every day is an uphill battle and recovery is a lifelong process, I am indescribably happy to be where I am in this moment. I never thought I would be able to change the tapes that played in my mind for so many years, telling me I was never going to be good enough, that I was fat, ugly, and that no one would ever love me.

I was so wrong for so many years. I see the light, I am now on the greener grass I always dreamed of. I did this, but not without the help of my loving family, close friends, and Walden Behavioral Care.I wish this for you all: that you can wake up and know what it is like to be free of your eating disorder, or whatever has its grips on you. Life is so much richer when you let yourself out of the shadows and into the light. Here's to recovery and all of its splendor. L'chaim! If this moves you, please feel free to share it. I am proud of my journey.

NEDA Week Begins!

Today begins National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) Awareness Week! This week is filled with activities, seminars, and walks all over the country fighting to raise awareness and funding for eating disorders. While I am doing my part this week, the only thing on my mind will be the future: my future and the future of every other person struggling with this horrific illness.

What we have been through will not be in vain. Someday, funding for eating disorder research will be equal to or greater than the highest funded illness, to reflect the fact that eating disorders have the highest mortality rate. Someday, jokes about eating disorders will not be spoken in conversation or at parties because people will finally understand the severity of these illnesses.

What we have been through, my friends with eating disorders, has not been in vain. Someday we will ALL recover, we will all be free of the shackles, strong enough to fight Ed's voice every single day of our lives, and most important, we will dedicate our lives to raising awareness and helping others, those we love and maybe even strangers, fight this illness until it is gone forever.

xoxo A friend in the fight