One year free

I have been in recovery from my eating disorder for one year today. I just spent the last 20 minutes sobbing from happiness and I feel the most pure feeling of joy and sense of accomplishment that I have ever felt. 


I used to cry, scream, hit my chest and pull at my skin saying, "It's right here (grabbing my chest). I can feel it. My eating disorder is right here and I can't get it out. I can feel it. It's right here." I was hysterical then.


Today I feel nothing where my eating disorder used to be, nothing but myself. For the first time in my life I am whole. I thought this day would never come. I told myself that if it did, I would probably feel the same, but I feel different today. I feel that I am no longer in recovery. Instead, I am recovered. 


Recovered. I love saying it. I want to go outside and tell everyone I see. I give myself so much hope. I can describe my battle with Bulimia and Anorexia as my own personal war. I really do feel as though I have just survived the longest and most trying battle of my life. What's amazing is that I beat myself, I beat this evil part of myself, this part of me that controlled my life for nine years. Even more amazing? I've got so much life left to live and now I am going to live it recovered from my eating disorder. 


I wrote all of that yesterday on my one year recovered, but unfortunately was not able to post it until now. I also wrote a Facebook status that received more likes and comments from my friends than anything I have ever posted. I have a little over 200 Facebook friends and I felt that posting this status was my version of screaming my story from the rooftops. 

Hey guys, I've been in recovery for one whole year today! For 365 days I have been eating disorder free. So let me say this, because I have been waiting 8766.1536 hours (and some change) to do so: I AM RECOVERED. It is possible. I am the evidence. For those of you still struggling, hang on, you will get here someday... And when you do, it's going to be the BEST FUCKING DAY OF YOUR LIFE!

I want everyone to know, the entire world, that is why I write this blog. I want people to know that recovery IS possible. I know so many women who are still struggling, women I was in treatment with as a teenager. I do this for those women and for all of the other victims of eating disorders I have yet to meet. You all must know that there is life after Ed and that you will be more than okay someday. 


I write this blog because I believe that the story of recovery is more important than the story of being ill. I hope to inspire large numbers of people to take the first step towards healthier lives. It begins today. I challenge those of you who are still struggling to take one small step towards recovery. Whether it be eating lunch (because it is lunch time after all) or maybe a sweet snack in between meals, or even trying to not weigh yourself today. Whatever it is, I challenge you to take this small step towards recovery. It all begins with one step. I KNOW YOU CAN DO THIS! 


And so from the place in my chest that used to be filled with illness but is now filled with hope for my future and peace of mind, I wish you all the best of luck in recovery. Remember that it takes time, for some it takes years, for me it took 365 days; however long it takes doesn't matter, as long as I see you here soon.